Nasty Bitch Read online

  She broke off as Maggie arrived; three drinks precariously balanced in her hands. ‘Ok what are we talking about? Oh Duncan’s just told me the funniest thing that happened with Martha the other day,’ she set the drinks down on the table and found her seat before she continued. ‘You know she went back to Ireland for a couple of weeks just recently, well she left Gabe in charge of her birds…I think I told you she has some of those tiny little finches in a cage in her room, anyway two days after she’s gone, Gabe comes in to feed them and they are all lying dead on the bottom of the cage…’

  ‘Oh no how awful,’ interjected Tracy.

  ‘Yeh dreadful, I know,’ said Maggie breezily, ‘anyhow Gabe is in bits, he can’t understand what he could have done wrong, but he eventually plucks up the courage to confess to Duncan that he has somehow killed his Grandma’s birds. Anyway Duncan comes up with a plan to replace the birds with new ones; he is sure that Martha won’t know the difference; she is so short-sighted apart from obviously being completely dotty. So Gabe goes round all the local pet shops trying to find some birds, but you’ll never guess what he brings back as a replacement…only one big fat yellow and green budgie.’ Maggie broke off to join in with the girls laughing, ‘Yeh but Duncan was saying that they put the budgie in the cage anyway, and so far she hasn’t spotted the difference!’ Tracy spat half her drink across the table as she burst out laughing, only just missing Carla who had just arrived.

  ‘What? Who and where?’ she said giggling as she sat down, ‘Ooh is one of those drinks for me, thank you Maggs darling, boy do I need this.’ She took a long gulp of her white wine and let out a long sigh.

  ‘Oh it is so nice just to be away from home and work and chill out with you girls. If Rosie slams one more door this week I really seriously think I’m going to kill her and what’s more I don’t think there’s a jury in the land that would convict me for it.’ Rosie was Carla’s precocious ten, going on twenty one, year old daughter, who had just started “am dram” classes at the village hall, and as a result was driving Carla crazy with her own dramatics. ‘The other day,’ Carla went on, ‘James told her not to forget to feed her hamster…and she went into the most amazing strop, ended up screaming at us both that we were “stifling her creative aura with our mundane requirements, and she wished she was dead”…I don’t mind telling you I am seriously scared, I mean if she’s like this at ten, what the hell is puberty going to be like?’

  Maggie laughed, ‘Sometimes I am so glad I only had boys, I don’t envy you lot…well not much anyway. It would have been nice to have had a daughter to share in all my wedding preparations. I mean Jools is great, and I get on with her like a house on fire, but it’s not the same and sometimes I do find myself wishing I’d had a girl…not that I would change my boys.’

  ‘Oh boys are only marginally better Maggs darling,’ interrupted Carla, ‘Harry has turned into “the creature from the land that time forgot”. He only emerges from his cave when food is on the table and I am seriously thinking of asking Dorothy, you know from the forensics team, if I can borrow one of her paper suits and a face mask before I dare to try and clean his bedroom. I’m sure it must be a health hazard in there, every time his door opens I can see a sort of smoggy glow, puts me in mind of nuclear waste…and the smell, oh my god…’

  ‘Now you mention it I do remember wanting to leave home a few times when my boys were teenagers,’ said Maggie laughing, ‘I don’t think either of them spoke to me for about three years, they communicated with a series of complicated grunts and mumbles…oh thank god that’s over now, sorry you two,’ she laughed at Tracy and Helen, ‘you’ve got all these wonderful pleasures to come.’

  ‘Well Zack is embarrassing enough already,’ said Tracy opening her third packet of cheesy wotsits. ‘I was talking to Mrs Binworthy the other day, we happened to bump into her outside the church when Zack pipes up “Mummy…big cock” well I can see Mrs Binworthy looking a bit shaken, so I ignore him and try to wind up the conversation so we can get away from her before he say’s anything worse, but oh no the little devil just starts shouting “mummy…BIG COCK, BIG COCK” at the top of his voice, well by this time Mrs Binworthy is looking at me like I am some sort of pervert who should never have been left in charge of children, when I realise that in fact my son is trying to point out the large CLOCK on the church tower behind us. Well I just fell about laughing and I tried to explain but of course by that time the old bat had said a very snooty ‘good day’ and was walking off with her nose in the air!’

  ‘Silly cow,’ said Maggie scathingly when the laughter had died down, ‘do you know she’s objected to me putting flowers on the pews for the wedding, says it creates too much work for the women volunteers who clean up the church. I told her I will pay for any cleaning, but she won’t hear of it. Anyway I went over her head and asked Reverend Sinclair and he was fine about it, so she can go and stuff herself, silly cow I mean who the hell does she think she is…?’

  Maggie broke off shocked as an enormous boom from somewhere outside shook the building, it was immediately followed by a flash of light, there were several screams and everyone in the pub began to surge towards the doors in a panic to try and see what the hell was going on.

  Carla snapped into police mode and was up and out of her seat and heading for the front of the crowds; she was worried that everybody would rush outside, and until they found out what had caused the explosion she would rather that they stayed put.

  ‘OK CALM DOWN EVERYBODY…CALM DOWN…Can you all remain inside please until we know it is safe for you to go outside,’ she shouted trying to make herself heard above the commotion…she tried a few more times, only to be jostled out of the way by the panicking crowd, she climbed up onto a nearby table.

  ‘I am Detective Inspector Carla Right,’ she shouted, ‘I need you to stay where you are…we don’t know what caused the explosion it may be dangerous to venture outside…’ she looked at Duncan helplessly, no one was taking any notice of her and quite a few diners had already run out into the car park.

  Duncan rang the bell behind the bar ‘NOBODY LEAVES THIS BUILDING UNTIL THE DETCTIVE INSPECTOR SAYS IT’S SAFE TO DO SO…OK?’ he shouted in his huge giant voice, everybody stopped in their tracks. Carla nodded her thanks to Duncan and addressed the crowd.

  ‘Right I will call the station and try and find out what’s going on, but until I do please can you all stay inside, I’m sure it won’t be for long.’ Sure enough it was only a few minutes later when, after a few failed attempts to call the station, she heard the sounds of sirens coming down the street and she could see the blue flashing lights as several police cars came into view, Carla went outside to flag one down. DS Frank Hill, Carla’s partner, was in the first car; fire engines whizzed on by heading for the woods, Carla hurried over to speak to Frank.

  ‘Does anybody have any idea what’s going on?’ she asked staring over Frank’s head towards the Glory Woods in amazement, a great fire ball was lighting up the sky over the trees and already the air was filled with the smell of burning wood and fuel.

  ‘Seems like it might have been a helicopter that’s crashed,’ explained Frank, ‘a few calls came in just after it happened and a couple of people reported hearing a helicopter just before the explosion. I was just about to go off duty when we heard the noise. Fire brigade got here pretty quick but it’s going to be murder trying to put it out, it’s come down right in the thickest part of the woods…missed all the houses though thank goodness, can you imagine if it had crashed a few hundred feet on?’

  As they were talking several more police cars whizzed past, followed by an ambulance, obviously all the relevant people had been alerted, and, as this was not really Carla’s territory, she was quite happy to leave them to do their job.

  Frank on the other hand was obviously enjoying the drama, so Carla told him to keep her posted, waved him on his way and went back into the pub.

  Duncan called everybody to attention again as she climbed back up on
to the table to a barrage of questions and, rather inappropriately, a couple of whistles and cat calls, Carla ignored them.

  ‘Ok as far as I know it seems that a helicopter has crashed into the Glory Woods; it doesn’t seem to have been near any houses thank goodness, and the fire brigade are on their way. So I don’t think there is any danger to any of you at this time, but obviously I would ask that you keep clear of the woods until the fire brigade and the forensics people have done their jobs…er thank you.’ And with that she made as dignified a descent from the table as she was able, bearing in mind the tight short skirt that she had worn this evening, which inevitably provoked a few more drunken whistles.

  Maggie came over, ‘Bloody hell darling you are well sexy when you’re in police mode, does this mean you are going to have to go?’

  ‘No,’ she said shaking her head, ‘not really this is more uniform’s department, but I think I’d better,’ she went on apologetically. ‘The kids will have been scared out of their wits by the explosion, and I need to check they are ok,’ she started getting her things together, as did Helen and Tracy both of whom had decided that they needed to check on their families as well.

  ‘Ok my darlings,’ said Maggie with a sigh, there was no one left at home for her to check on. Jed having moved in with his girlfriend Jools, and Dom, who still lived at home, was at a conference in Leeds this week. ‘I’ll see you all next week. I asked Thomas to pick me up from here later so I think I’ll just go and prop up the bar and have a chat with Duncan until he comes.’ The girls all hugged their goodbyes and went off anxiously, leaving Maggie to enjoy the rest of the evening in her favourite way, with a bit of flirting and a bit of drinking.

  CHAPTER 4

  She couldn’t help but chuckle to herself as she saw the fire raging over the tree tops; despite the realisation that if it had happened a couple of hours earlier, she would have been toast.

  The fire gave the trees an almost supernatural feel, sending them into black contrast against the oranges and reds that lit up the night sky…she raised her hand in a toasting gesture, ‘A fitting end sweetheart,’ she thought, ‘a truly noble funeral pyre for a noble man.’

  She allowed herself a few moments of regret, softness even; before she shook herself out of that nonsense…he had betrayed her at the last, as all men had betrayed her. More importantly she couldn’t risk him ruining everything now... just when everything was going right for her at long last. From where she was parked she had a good view of the village that she had once called home. With its smug little cottages that housed smug little people. The pristine village green and pond, the church standing in pride of place, reminding all who saw it of their mortality and the debts that they would have to pay in a future life. Vanessa curled her lip at the hypocrisy of it all; these were little people with little minds, they weren’t worth a moment more of her time…she just had a few more scores to settle and then she was out of here…home free!

  CHAPTER 5 – CARLA

  Carla woke with a thick head and a dry mouth. The smoke from the fire seemed to have penetrated the whole house, her bedclothes, her dressing gown, even her hair smelt of wood smoke. The fire had been raging for half the night it seemed, it had taken six fire crews to control it, and even now, despite the fact that it was well and truly out, there was a smoky fog hanging over the blackened trees. Carla sighed as she looked at the devastation from her bedroom window, the poor Glory Woods had never looked more sorry for itself.

  Frank had been as good as his word and had sent Carla hourly updates; it seemed there had been three people on board the helicopter, including the pilot, and there were no survivors. It had been chartered to take business man Mr Tony Hopper and his secretary Denise Black, back to their hotel near Goodwood race course in Sussex, after a dinner engagement in London. They were due to go to the race meeting the next day. The pilot, Andrew Redwood, was also the owner of the helicopter, he ran a small business ‘Red-Copters’ based at Redbank Airfield with his son Peter who was also a pilot. They dealt with mainly recreational trips, weddings, race days, etc.

  Carla sighed again sadly, as she thought about the awful news that the families of those three would have to hear today.

  She went downstairs to the chaos of the kitchen. James had taken the kids to school this morning as Carla wasn’t due to go to work until later today. She mindlessly began to clear breakfast bowls and cereal packets, loading discarded football kits into the washing machine as she went, until eventually she had cleared a space to sit and have a cup of tea and a slice of toast.

  The postman had been, so she collected the mail from the doormat and idly began to sort through it.

  ‘Oh no,’ she said out loud as she spotted an envelope from Harry’s school, that was never good news. ‘What has that little devil been up to now?’ she thought as she ripped open the envelope and read the contents quickly, muttering angrily under her breath as she did so. It seemed he had not handed in a geography project that had been due in a week ago, Mrs Allen, his geography teacher, said that although she completely understood that Harry was grieving for his grandfather, she felt that she had given him enough time and would appreciate it if his parents would have a word. ‘I’ll have a bloody word alright,’ growled Carla, ‘grieving for his fucking Grandfather? The conniving little toe rag!’ Both Carla and James had lost their fathers many years before, ‘Well Harry my boy you are in big trouble now!’ she put the letter to one side ready for James to see it later.

  Settling down with her tea Carla thought about the events of last night before the explosion had brought the evening to an impromptu end. How many years now had she been meeting up with her friends Maggie, Tracy and Helen for their weekly ‘cauldron meetings’? Maggie’s ex-husband Greg had named the girls “the Witches of Glory Woods” because of their regular gossiping and scheming, likening them to the three witches in Shakespeare’s “Macbeth” and the name had stuck, despite there now being four of them. Each of the “witches” were aware of how much these weekly off loading sessions had helped them over the years. Carla particularly had made good use of her friends’ sound advice during some of her most challenging cases; she for one didn’t know how she would manage without them. She picked up the letter from Harry’s school and chuckled to herself as she read through it again thinking of what the “witches” would make of this…she couldn’t wait to show it to Maggie…grieving for his Granddad, what a little sod!

  CHAPTER 6 – TRACY

  ‘Oh you are such a greedy little girl…yes you are…oh yes you are,’ Tracy smiled down at baby Tilly as she guzzled and slurped at her breast. Simon watched on appreciatively, he had a stack of property details on his lap that had just been sent through by the local estate agents. Simon and Tracy had come to the realisation that as much as they loved their little cottage it was just too small for their growing family. Tracy had originally rented the cottage and then Simon had bought it from the owners a few months after Zack had been born. They had extended the kitchen, which had helped a lot, but now that baby Matilda, or Tilly as she was universally known, had arrived things were getting a bit tight to say the least. Simon had built an office in the garden for his business; but now that was full to the brim with all his ROBOB paraphernalia, not to mention a couple of bikes and a few boxes of stuff that Tracy’s sister Lisa had left behind. So they had decided to take the plunge and put the cottage on the market and look around for something bigger.

  The trouble was that neither of them wanted to move away from Kenley village, and property in the village didn’t come cheap. If they had been prepared to live in Redbank they could have got a lot more house for their money, but Kenley was where Tracy’s work was and good schools for the children…and of course the witches.

  So basically if they wanted something with enough space and a decent garden they were going to have to buy a wreck and do it up.

  ‘This one’s not bad,’ said Simon holding up a picture for Tracy to see, she tried squinting at it, but withou
t her glasses it all just looked a bit of a blur. Tilly had gone to sleep in her arms so she very gently shifted over and put her back in her cot, stroking her downy cheek as she did so and then grabbing her reading glasses she turned back to Simon who was sitting next to her in the bed.

  ‘Oh no that looks like some awful 1970’s prefab, and it’s on Compton road, which is always busy, how much is that…my god, how is that worth that much?’ She grabbed a handful of the details and started going through them.

  ‘Too small…not enough garden……oh no look at that hideous building next door, imagine having to look at that every morning…aghh ghastly, why would anyone paint a house purple…’

  ‘Tracy,’ Simon interrupted laughing, ‘you are going to have to get your head around the fact that we can’t afford anything pretty or on the best road. We have been really spoilt living in this lovely cottage right on the green, but if we want some space and a good garden we are going to have to look for potential, not pretty, I mean look at this…no come on look at it properly. I know it looks like a rundown old squat, but it has five bedrooms and it is on half an acre…’ he broke off laughing at the expression of horror on Tracy’s face.

  She jumped on top of him shoving the picture in his face. ‘Simon it has got an old gate for a front door and half its roof is missing…I know you said we had to compromise but that’s a step too far.’

  Simon grabbed her and rolled her under him, ‘Ok, ok, maybe not that one, but you madam are going to have to lower your standards or we will still be arguing about this in two years time alright?’

  Tracy put her arms round him and kissed him, ‘Ok I know I’m a nightmare, and yes I know where ever we go as long as I’m with you and the kids it will be lovely.’ They both went quiet as they heard little footsteps heading in their direction…obviously Zack had finally woken up, and judging from the scratchy scampering sounds, he was bringing Buster with him. Soon the tiny bedroom was full, Zack had rushed in and thrown himself on the bed landing with a smack on Simon’s middle, seriously winding him, and Buster had jumped onto the end of the bed and settled himself down on Simon’s feet.